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New York City Divorce Legal Blog

Let's talk divorce: 1 thing to remember when having 'the talk'

If there's one thing we avoid the most as human beings in our interpersonal relationships, it's the truth. Many spouses avoid the elephant in the room -- the fact that their marriage needs to end -- for years before they finally muster up the courage to have ''the divorce talk.'' Obviously, the sooner you can have this talk, the sooner you can move on to the next stage of your happier life, but when you do finally decide to break the news with your spouse, there's one vital thing you need to remember.

What is this miraculous thing? Don't try to defend yourself or your decisions. In other words, don't get into a long, drawn-out discussion about it no matter how hard your spouse tries to goad you into an argument or a debate. By remembering this one thing, you may make your divorce proceedings infinitely easier and more respectful and less stressful and costly.

Prenuptial agreements are not just for the rich and famous

Many engaged couples wrongly assume that the only people who benefit from prenuptial agreements are the rich and famous. The opposite is actually the case.

Imagine a young business owner, who just started his company and has yet to churn a profit. Now, imagine the son of a billionaire oil magnate who is about to receive his inheritance. Which do you think would have the greater need for a prenuptial agreement? If you said the son of the billionaire, you'd be wrong.

Am I going to get custody of my child?

When you are ending your marriage, the most stressful aspect is probably child custody. If your number one question is, "Will I get custody of my children?" you need all the help and advice you can get. Getting custody means you need to understand what the family courts consider and how a lawyer can help.

Here is some important information you should know about child custody, visitation and family law.

Gray divorce is taking a toll on the finances of women

Divorce rates for people over the age of 50 have doubled since the 1990s. This could be the result of changing perceptions about the supposed permanence of marriage among the baby boomer generation. It could simply be another sign of the times. Regardless of the reason why spouses choose to go their separate ways -- and every couple has its own reasons for divorcing -- evidence suggests that over-50 divorces are taking a toll on the finances of the women involved in particular.

In many relationships, women allow their husbands to make financial decisions for the family. They might, for example, take a back seat when it comes to meeting with financial advisers and accountants, preferring to contribute to the family in other ways. According to a study from UBS Global Wealth Management, for example, 56 percent of women allow their husbands to make financial planning and investment decisions for the family.

Improve your divorce results by avoiding these 3 mistakes

It's hard enough to make the difficult decision to move forward with a divorce. Then, once you've made that decision, you need to manage and navigate your divorce in the right way if you hope to end your marriage peacefully and cost-effectively while protecting your parental and property division rights. With this in mind, here are few mistakes you'll want to avoid when navigating your divorce process:

Make sure your expectations are realistic

How family law courts decide a child custody dispute

Child custody courts will deliberate over many different factors when considering how to decide a child custody disagreement, but one factor will always reign supreme with a state family court judge. The best interests of your child will always be the most important consideration.

Ultimately, the judge will want to create a child custody scenario and parenting plan that supports the happiness and well-being of your child above all else. There are a few of the most important factors judges consider when determining the best interests of your child.

Is there a healthier way of looking at marriage and divorce?

If you're contemplating divorce, or currently in the middle of your divorce proceedings, chances are that you and your ex entered into your marriage with the best of intentions. To put it more simply: Neither of you did anything wrong in getting married, and more importantly, you haven't "failed" or experienced anything "shameful" by virtue of the fact that you're getting a divorce.

One psychologist has an entirely different and refreshing perspective on marriage and divorce. In a piece featured on Psychology Today, she wrote, "Marriage, as it currently exists, is an outdated, one-size-fits-all institution that no longer works with who we are as a people (presuming it ever did!)."

Parenting plan arrangements that match your child's needs

It's only natural to want to spend as much time as possible as possible with your child. Also, given the fact that family psychologists tend to agree that children benefit from spending as much time with both parents as possible, we can understand why 50-50 custody plans have risen to the forefront of popularity. Nevertheless, parents are well-served to review their unique situations to evaluate whether this co-parenting arrangement is right for them and their family's needs.

Remember the following when evaluating whether a 50-50 custody plan is right for you:

3 ways to manage emotions during divorce

Any major life change can trigger negative emotions and even depression. This is certainly true when it comes to divorce. In addition to the major shifts that a divorce will cause, you are losing a partner you have likely spent years of your life with. It is vital that you prioritize yourself during this time and take steps to actively care for your own emotions. Doing so will make the process of divorce much easier.

Managing emotions is even more essential if you have children. They, too, will be going through major stress as these changes take place, so you need to be strong for your kids. Take the following three tips for the benefits of your children or simply for your own sake. Do not make divorce more difficult than it is.

Are you and your spouse in a 'pursuer-distancer' pattern?

Marriages fail for an unlimited number of reasons. Perhaps two spouses were constantly fighting about their religious or political differences, they disagreed on how they should raise their children or one spouse cheated on the other spouse. There are other reasons as well, such as the "pursuer-distancer" pattern, which can be devastating for all relationships.

The "pursuer-distancer" pattern develops when the spouses can't agree on how much time they should spend together. If you've ever been in a relationship like this - or if you're currently in a relationship like this - the name of this pattern is enough for you to know exactly what it is. However, there are times when spouses have been in this kind of pattern so long that they don't even realize it's happening.

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