Jewell Law PLLC
Call today (212) 856-7273

Creating Futures One
Person at a Time

Are you and your spouse in a 'pursuer-distancer' pattern?

Marriages fail for an unlimited number of reasons. Perhaps two spouses were constantly fighting about their religious or political differences, they disagreed on how they should raise their children or one spouse cheated on the other spouse. There are other reasons as well, such as the "pursuer-distancer" pattern, which can be devastating for all relationships.

The "pursuer-distancer" pattern develops when the spouses can't agree on how much time they should spend together. If you've ever been in a relationship like this - or if you're currently in a relationship like this - the name of this pattern is enough for you to know exactly what it is. However, there are times when spouses have been in this kind of pattern so long that they don't even realize it's happening.

The "pursuer-distancer" pattern relates to one spouse who is constantly seeking more intimacy, while the other spouse is trying to achieve more distance. From an emotional-relationship perspective, this basically equates to one spouse chasing the other spouse all over the place while the other spouse is trying to run away. When the spouses can't find common ground regarding how much intimacy is enough - and how much is too much or too little - it invariably creates a lack of trust, feelings of resentment and it will erode the feelings of love on both sides. It's very common for this pattern to lead to a divorce.

If you've come to a clear realization about the end of your marriage, it's not likely that a postnuptial agreement can save you. However, if you're still on the fence about divorce, you might consider redefining the terms of your marriage to clarify the roles you and your spouse expect each other to fulfill. One of the best ways of doing this is drawing up a post-nuptial agreement that both you and your spouse will agree to.

No Comments

Leave a comment
Comment Information

Jewell Law, PLLC | 555 Fifth Avenue, 17th Floor | New York, New York 10017-9254 | Phone (212) 856-7273 | Map & Directions