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Is there a healthier way of looking at marriage and divorce?

If you're contemplating divorce, or currently in the middle of your divorce proceedings, chances are that you and your ex entered into your marriage with the best of intentions. To put it more simply: Neither of you did anything wrong in getting married, and more importantly, you haven't "failed" or experienced anything "shameful" by virtue of the fact that you're getting a divorce.

One psychologist has an entirely different and refreshing perspective on marriage and divorce. In a piece featured on Psychology Today, she wrote, "Marriage, as it currently exists, is an outdated, one-size-fits-all institution that no longer works with who we are as a people (presuming it ever did!)."

The psychologist argued that marriage is not set up the right way. She believes that the pressure to get married, and the pressure to stay married, actually creates higher divorce rates. She believes that the amount of responsibility put on two individuals by marriage is unrealistic and it's far too much to ask of two human beings.

As a society, she believes that we have set an impossibly high standard for achievement within marriage. Basically, this impossible standard involves the idea that both spouses should fulfill each other's complete social, physical, emotional, economic and intellectual needs. Then, for the couples who are unable to achieve this unreasonable standard -- and can't stick it out and suffer -- they experience shame when they file for divorce. She says that there is something wrong with this picture, and perhaps there is.

Perhaps it should be easier for couples to divorce, so they can get out of relationships with unreasonable expectations -- or unreasonable conditions -- that cause them to feel sad, depressed or broken. Regardless of your circumstances, if you're feeling guilty or shameful about your divorce, try to remember that this is not your fault. No one has a magic eight ball that knows if their marriage will be a success or not. Now, your best course of action is to divorce peacefully, responsibly and in the most respectful way possible.

Source: Psychology Today, "Divorce-a-phobes (not divorces) are toxic to society!," Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W., accessed May 02, 2018

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